19 Mrz The power of language and voice
There are hard parts about being a product manager. One of which is people. As Product Manager you have to deal with all sorts of people: the dramatist, the actionist, the shy guy, the newbie, the over-ambitious and introvert. The communication with each of them is as individual as their personalities and sensitivities are. People not only have very own ways to think, act and react, but especially they have opinions, they are wrong, they are political, not predictable and simply tricky. And you are in the lucky position of being the man in the middle that brings those people with their opinions and convictions together, while trying to get the buy-in from managers, make engineers understand what customers need, stop sales people from selling products that do not exist and get trusted by the customer service center. Yes, it´s tough sometimes. So, how can handle situations in which people do not feel confident to contribute, are intimidated, outrage or fight for being right?
Make use of the most powerful tool you have: our language and voice. Most of our communication is determined by the words we choose and the way we express ourselves. You can steer, engage, calm down and acknowledge people solely by tweaking your language a little bit and using your voice properly. I often find myself in situations in which it´s necessary to hit the sweet spot in communicating with others that turns the mood back into good and creates a positive atmosphere. Let me share with you some tactics how to survive those parts of a Product Managers´ job. But first, I´ll introduce you to some people…
Mr. and Mrs. Know-It-All
Yap, that´s you. Product Managers tend to think that they have to know everything. They need to have the answer to all questions and they feel bad if they cannot support right away. You should not stress yourself with that as it´s not your job to know everything at any time. But it is your job to find out. If you are in a situation like that in which you need to get information in order to make a decision or do the next step do not expect yourself to have all answers, instead ask questions. Let others talk. Give them the stage to share what they know and profit from that…
H E L P F U L E X P R E S S I O N S
Yes, and…
Please, go on…
What else…
Is there something to add…
Can you tell me about…
How did you do this…and that…
The Rumpelstiltskin
I can tell about a meeting with Sam in which he worked himself up into a discussion that completely bursted the conversation. Participants were obviously confused and startled. Some apporached me shocked afterwards and asked whether that´s how meetings go here. Unfortunately, meetings with Sam has been like this most of the times. That left people even more puzzeled. However, I learned by the time how to get people like Sam back down to earth…
The Rumpelstiltskin type is certainly not the easiest one, but you can conquer him. There are people that try to interfere with everything you do or say. It does not matter how good your arguments are and how many facts you put on the table – it´s just not right. On top of that you often do not have explicit authority over them. If you sit in meetings with those kind of people it´s not only a hard time for you but also for the group. The atmosphere turns negative, people feel awkward, and might even wanna leave the room. However, I learned by the time how to get those people back down to earth – and it´s simple. Give them a „We-Feeling“. Set the stage right in the beginning by formulating your agenda in a way it includes every participant. You come together to reach one goal, you have the same ambition and you have to collaborate to get there.
H E L P F U L E X P R E S S I O N S
How might we…
Let´s think together..
Our goal today is…
How can we reach…
The Shy Guy
I spend many hours with Laura together in workshops and meetings. A group of engineers – mainly men – with strong opinions, loud voices and some more years of experience. Laura was simply intimidated and hardly contributed to discussions. I knew though that she was smart, had good ideas and could think out of the box. So I wanted to raise her voice…
As Product Manager you are the man in the middle. You need to bring different people together and ensure that they contribute as much as possible to a collective goal. The challenge you will always face is that some feel more comfortable speaking in a group than others. You can steer the direction by building psychological safety. Ensuring that everyone feels comfortable to speak up and contribute. Especially if not all participants know each other (well) it is sometimes hard for the one or the other to express themselves and getting engaged in a conversation. One way to tackle that situation is to jump right into it: address a certain question actively to this person and ask for their contribution. Another option is to echo back opinions. Pick up what has been said earlier and refer to it to go on with the conversation. That gives confidence and a feeling of being heard.
H E L P F U L E X P R E S S I O N S
I liked what Laura said in the beginning…
Robert pointed out earlier that…which is important.
Let´s go back to the point of Greg…
Simon, what you just mentioned is a good start…
Unflappable Henry
Similar to Sam conversations with Henry were cumbersome most of the times. They often got stuck at one point that needed to be discussed to death. Spinning around again and again or drifting away from the original topic commonly happened. The challenge I faced was recapturing Henry to bring the conversation back to focus and make him aware of the fact that things might not be as he thinks they are…
Being stuck in conversations that only go back and forth while someone desperately tries to sell his opinion to others is exhausting – and leads nowhere. Sentences you might often here start with „But…“, and people get emotional very quickly. How to deal with that? Acknowledge it and take some of the emotion out. The easiest way to do that is to sit back and let the person vent. Allow them to say their piece even though you do not agree, but listen carefully. You can stay quiet or indicate that you are listening by nodding, but avoid gestures that give the feeling of blame. And never forget that Product Managers are always keen on learning. So, focus on what you want to learn by asking questions that get you to the roots of the discussion. Bridging back the conversation to its original goal is crucial. Point it out once more, then return to your agenda, and build the bridge back to how the group can achieve it together.
H E L P F U L E X P R E S S I O N S
I bet…
I heard what you said…
I understand…
Yes, and…
I think you said X, did I get this right?
The Newbie
Again this is most likely you. During your work life people around you change on a more or less regular basis. You get a new manager, new team members, engineers join and leave your team or you start in a new company as Product Manager. It does not matter whether you are new to a team or someone else is new to your team the challenge is the same: you probably start to challenge exsisting approaches and want to bring in your perspective and expertise. At the same time you do not want to offend anybody. You should not come straight to the point. Rather explore whey things as they are and how the team got to this point. Learn to understand the reasoning behind actions and processes, and make the people think critically about them. Putting words into peoples´ mouths might let you appear as the smart aleck who wants to change the running system whatsoever. Trust me, it won´t get you anywhere. Rather earn trust and emphasize with them by asking smart questions to make them work out the limitations by themselves, and change minds through self.recognition.
H E L P F U L E X P R E S S I O N S
Okay, and why is that…
What do you want to achieve by…?
And the reason for that is…?
Yes, and the result was…?
Which outcome do you expect…?
Applying smart tweaks in your expressions is already a very good start to build a product culture around you that you admire. However, be self-aware and be a great PM by doing what a great PM does: ask for feedback and learn. Sourround yourself with others that experienced tough situations, share stories, and exchange how they cope with it. After all, acknowledge the conditions you are in. Roll with it. Stand firm.
Listening is the doorway to understanding. Powerful speaking liberates us to make a difference and be known for who we are. ↬ Julian Treasure
7 sins and goodnesses of speaking
This is not the end of the story though. Along with you´re language you can make great use of a very powerful instrument: your voice. The way you speak and set the tone in your voice determines whether people will listen to you. In his TED Talk „How to speak so that people want listen“ Julian Treasure, a sound and communication expert, reveals the 7 sins of speaking and explains why you should greet and claim HAIL: the 4 cornerstones of powerful speaking.
Honesty – Authenticity – Integrity – Excuses – Negativity – Exaggeration – Dogmatism
Where there is sin, there is goodness. So, Julian shares also his toolbox to increase the strength of your voice.
7 W A Y S T O M A K E Y O U R V O I C E S O U N D
M O R E I N F L U E N T I A L
Weight
Talking rather from your chest will make your voice lower. Lower voices are associated with power and authority. True fact: people are more likely to vote for politicians with lower voices.
Tember
Put some warm melting chocolate kind of feeling on your voice. Make it sound rich and full of volume. High tonality sounds signalize threat and make us feel uncomfortable.
Prosody
The prosody of speech determines the excitement or importance of your talk towards your listeners: if you speak in a very monotonous manner it´s hard for your audience to follow as it is not clear which part might me important. Another example is make every sentence sound like a question – how is anybody supposed to know where to put their attention to?
Pace
You can put weight on a certain point and emphasize a sentence by s l o w i n g r i g h t d o w n.
Silence
There is nothing wrong with a moment of silence. You don´t have to fill gaps with ehm and ah – just take a little break and breathe.
Pitch
Pitches in talks often go along with pace and indicate arousal and excitement. Inevitable, that leads to a startled audience.
Volume
Similar to pitches, increasing the volume in a speech might leave people startled. On the other hand you can catch their attention by getting very quite for a moment.
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